Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I read in a book today about learning to be content in your current circumstances and learning to be happy even, and especially if, your life is mundane and boring. Be grateful for the normal and mundane.

For instance, if you're feeling bored with cleaning the house day after day, and taking care of kids, cleaning the house, making dinner, doing the dishes, cleaning the house, going to the store, taking kids to school, cleaning the house....(you get the picture) you should change your attitude to being grateful that you have a house to clean, kids to take care, food to prepare, clothes to wear, and a car to drive your kids in.

Many times it takes losing one of these things to realize what we had and for us to wish we had it back. Never take normal for granted! Be grateful for it!

And you know what I realized? If I spend my day telling myself that I'm grateful for all these things, then after a while I realize how much happier I am and I start enjoying them. Don't believe me? Try it!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Too much negative energy going around

Seriously, is there a depressive, blah, blech, feeling in the air right now or is it just me? Every day I wake up and think "I just want to go back to bed" and feel that way all day. I find no enjoyment in the things I usually enjoy and I'm just dragging myself around, forcing myself to get things done. I hate it! I want to scream at it! I almost feel like I'm going crazy because I can't get away from it. That's why I think it's in the air.

So, here's my theory, and feel free to stop reading from this point on if you think I'm crazy, but here goes: I think because of the election, the financial crisis, and all the aruging amongst people (even and especially Mormons) over Prop. 8, there is literally a negative energy around us all in this country. There is too much fighting, too much critcizing, too much judging, too much FEAR in so many of us that we are creating a negative energy all around us! It's making me sick and it's making me sad. I don't care who or what you believe in, but you should show more respect and kindness towards those who disagree with you!! Especially those who are Mormon's. Dang it all, you guys should know better. You should have been taught better. You should be more Christlike in your dealings with your fellow beings. STOP JUDGING THEM!

Yes, you can stand up for what you believe, but you can do it with kindness and respect. I'm saddened and disappointed in all the bickering and fighting. This is not what the Savior would want us to act like. Please think about that next time before you have the gall to call someone's testimony into question because they disagree with you! That is NOT your right. YOU are not their judge. You can kindly and respectfully (I know I'm repeating myself) tell them you disagree and that you are choosing to follow your prophet, But don't you dare tell them they are going to go to hell.

Because seriously, if hell is a place where people like you're telling are going to go there, are going to go, then I'd rather be with them in hell then in the Celestial Kingdom with someone like you!
Ok, I'm done ranting now and feel like I have added to the negative energy in the air, and I apologize. I will try to have happy, positive, faith filled thoughts the rest of the night. Again, I'm sorry and Good night!

And by the way, if you want to see things from another point of view, and a view I really admire, visit I love that website and he has truly changed how I see things forever. Thanks Clint!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

How to tell when you have PMS

* when you yell "if I were you I wouldn't mess with me right now!" to your daughter who is beginning to whine about going to bed

*Your kind husband offers to pick you up some cheese from the store that you need tomorrow, and when you see the bag of cheese you say "I told you to get the little bag. How much did that cost? Ugh, I'm going to have to take it back." And then he nicely says "it's okay, I'll go do it." "Ok", you say, "but don't spend more than $3 dollars". (30 minutes later, and two kids in tow- who he took to give you a break - husband returns from store). "What?", you say "this isn't the small bag. How much did it cost?" "Four dollars", he quietly says."
"Geez, I said don't spend more than 3!!" (getting testy now). Husband stomps down the stairs. And what do you do? You throw the stupid bag of cheese across the room at the wall because you're mad that he bought the wrong size and spent $1 more!!

*when you tell your daughters "if you don't clean up your room, I'm going to bring a big trash bag in here and dump everything in it. Even the nice stuff that you like. And don't think that I won't!!!"

*when you don't answer the phone because you are afraid someone might be calling to ask you to help someone and you're too tired and irritable to come up with a nice excuse (lie) why you can't and you're afraid you'll just tell them the truth (which I did once to my very nice neighbor. I'll save that story for it's own post one day).

*when you lock yourself in your room, after you have "kindly and patiently" (hear the sarcasm folks) put your kids to bed, to get all your frustrations out by writing about them in a blog, and then sit in a chair and read until you fall asleep (I'm doing that next). Reason? Because you don't want to bite anyone elses head off tonight!

*And by the way, if you happen to notice the date of this post and the last post, you will see that they are the very same day. And in case you are wondering, I am not bi-polar! (I even asked a doctor just to be sure!)

Happy for No Reason

As a recovering depressed, negative person (and I emphasize "recovering"), it is a great discovery to find out you can be happy for no apparent reason! Just be happy! Today I was just doing my usual thing (which is NOT fun, i.e. cleaning the house, doing laundry, chasing a toddler around) when out of the blue I felt happy. My immediate response was "you don't have anything to be happy about." Yes, I could be content, yes, I could be at peace, but happy? I need to have a reason, right? Nope! So I pushed right past that negative self talk and smiled at myself in the mirror (honestly, I don't remember when I've ever done that) and began doing a little dance (NEVER done that). I even started laughing aloud (aghast, am I going insane?).

And you know what? It was fun! And it was contagious - to myself. The little happy feeling I started with, grew into a big happy feeling that lasted for a few hours. Amazing. There were a few times when that menacing little voice would try to stop me and tell me I needed a reason to be happy. But I immediately shot back "No I don't. I can just be happy because!" And that is a remarkable accomplishment for someone like me!!!

Resisting the Right Thing

Ok, so I'm not sure why I do this, which is why I'm writing about it.
Often times when I'm in a situation where I can choose to react to someone in two different ways, I'll get a little feeling about how I should act; but I often push it away. I think it might be a control thing. I don't want to do what I'm being told to do, I want to do what I want to do (even though it makes me feel miserable).

For example, saying sorry to someone I just snapped at (when they clearly deserved it). Or going outside to watch my son play when he's begging me to stay with him (even though I've been out there for 15 minutes already and I'm bored). Or giving in and admitting I was wrong (ugh, I hate this one). Or tucking my daughter in instead of watching my favorite show -(even though I already went upstairs with her while she got ready, kissed her goodnight and told her I was going downstairs).

But, my excuses are besides the point. I should listen to that feeling, I really should. But I so often do not. I ignore it, push it away and choose the selfish, not as good feeling, easier path.

Why? Why? Why don't I just make the simple choice of doing the right thing. Let's see, path #1 - doesn't really take that much more time and makes me happier, makes other people happier, and I feel better about myself. Or path #2 -Think only about myself. Do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and end up feeling grumpy and upset and feel like a lousy person.

Geez! You'd think it would be more obvious.


Forgiveness is hard; especially when the person you "should" forgive doesn't even want it, or think they need it. They're just going along with their happy little life not even realizing that they are causing you pain and suffering and making your life miserable.

Hmm, "causing" or "caused"? Yes, they initially caused me hurt and pain, but are they the ones still causing it, or am I causing it by not letting it go?

I think that I don't want to forgive unmentioned person because they hurt me, betrayed me, and they need to pay for it. So I back away, give them the cold shoulder, bury away my heart, and "make them pay". Yes, they'll pay now, I won't give them my love. That's really going to hurt them. And then when they are good and hurt and crying out in pain and begging me to stop, then I'll forgive them. I'll proudly stand above them, look down and say "now that you've suffered, you can be forgiven." And then my pain, hurt, and suffering will magically disappear. Right??? WRONG!